


I Blame the Puppet

by katiemariie



Series: I Hate, Therefore I Am [3]
Category: Farscape
Genre: Community: farscape_land, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-11
Updated: 2012-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiemariie/pseuds/katiemariie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No man is suffering as much as John Crichton right now... but does he deserve it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Blame the Puppet

**Author's Note:**

> Written for farscape_land challenge 6, phase 4, "I Hate, Therefore I Am," where the evil vinegar_dog tasked us with picking our least favorite characters, showing why we hate them, and, for extra points, torturing and/or killing them. I chose Crichton for the main character option. I don't hate Crichton like I do the other characters I chose, but he disappoints me sometimes.

John wanted to run and hide, but he couldn't. Not this time. He couldn't leave Aeryn and Deke. For them, he would survive this.

Gritting his teeth, John massaged his temple. The same familiar headache he got right after the neural chip was removed... Slowly, worming into his brain...

Not for the first time since being spat out into the asscrack of the galaxy, John wondered what he'd done to deserve this. As much as Scorpy and Commandant Cleavage made him doubt the existence of karma, deep down he hoped (and sometimes prayed to God, his friend's Goddesses, William Shatner) that everything he sacrificed for Earth—the galaxy—would someday come back to him threefold. He'd get his just rewards—but what if this was his just reward? Maybe he wasn't the good guy in this story. Maybe he was just as bad as Scorpy.

Okay, that was probably going a step too far.

But he had done awful things. Things that his Protestant upbringing made him believe that would come back to bite him in the ass.

He blew up a Gammak base... and a shadow depository... and a command carrier... and that Scarran greenhouse. Come to think of it, he was kind of a terrorist.

But that was for the greater good. Like making Stark pass over that Eidolon. They got galactic peace out that and Stark's not crazy anymore. Win-win... although John will never forget the look of absolute terror on Stark's face as they dragged him over to...

John shook his head. Greater good. Doesn't count.

Um, he might have led Caroline on a bit when he got back to Earth. And maybe a few times he finished before her and just rolled over and went to sleep. But, hey, at least he didn't leave right after like he usually did.

Okay, so he was a bit of a cad and maybe he didn't treat women as good as he thought he did. What was it Chiana knocked him over the head for? It had something to do with Aeryn being pregnant... Right, being mad at Aeryn for sleeping with other men before she even knew John or his planet existed. Probably not John's finest moment.

Perhaps sometimes accidentally he said something that some people might think is like... space racist. But, come on, Rygel's so little! 

And occasionally he might call Stark a “crazy freakazoid bastard,” even though he probably should know better given how much he hates being called insane. Even if he is.

And... and... (He took a breath. This wasn't something liked to think about.) If he wasn't so obsessed with frelling wormholes, Zhaan might still be alive.

The din in his head—the torture that by it's very definition would never end—paused before beginning anew now louder than ever.

John Crichton had done awful things, but nothing bad enough to deserve this. ...Right?

–

_A quarter of arn earlier..._

Aeryn and Deke smiled at John conspiratorially.

“What have you two been up to?” he asked. “You look like the cat who ate the canary.”

Aeryn didn't bother with idiom, apparently too excited to parse it. “Deke and I have a surprise for you.”

John panicked momentarily. The last time Deke and Aeryn had a surprise for him, he ended up curled in the fetal position for two arns, convinced his mivonks were going to fall off. He didn't care what Aeryn said; Sebacean strength, Peacekeeper martial arts, and a Human toddler's impulse control do not mix well.

“Mama taught me a song!” Deke exclaimed. Of course, he was only three years old so to the untrained ear it would sound more like, “Muh-muht'miasung!”

“She did?” John asked.

“Yes,” Aeryn said. “In English.”

John looked back at his wife and put back on his grown-up voice. “I didn't know you knew any songs in English.”

“I learned it from one of those public television programs.” Aeryn kneeled down next to Deke. “Do you want to sing Daddy our song?”

Deke nodded his head furiously.

“All right. One, two, three...”

Deke and Aeryn took a deep breath and began to sing at the top of their lungs, “ _This is the song that never ends; it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what and they'll continue singing it forever just because... This is the song that never ends; it goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what and they'll continue singing it forever just because... This is the song that never ends..._ ”

And in a state of unfathomable horror, John realized the song would never end, it would go on and on and on and on...


End file.
